Today was a hard day.
You think hard days would get easier since we’ve experienced a handful of them at this point…but no. Davy was doing well for most of the day until a little after lunch. She had a few scary moments where she “seized up” and stopped breathing. She eventually stabilized and recovered, but those moments are heart ceasing for me. Then, at night, they had to replace one of her IVs and were unsuccessful three times. There is nothing like watching your little girl get stuck with a needle three times. One of our pastors articulated it well saying, “The pricks may be quick for her but they last longer for mom and dad”. To top it all off, they had to stick her more times to get a blood sample and by that time her sedation was wearing off so we could see her inaudibly crying and squirming. (Please don’t hear anything against our amazing team of nurses…this just comes with the territory).
Chelsea and I just took turns placing our hands on Davy and speaking truth over her in any attempt to calm her down. We spoke Scripture over her, read books to her, prayed for her, and sang alongside of her. Eventually, around 2 AM, due to the sedation and her little body just being exhausted, she gave way to sleep.
Today was a long, hard day.
However, the hardest part wasn’t seeing her go through it. The hardest part was the fact that I couldn’t take it away from her. Do you know how desperately I want to take ALL of this away from her? If given the option there would be no hesitation. There would be no “let me think about it”. There would be no “let me pray about it”. The answer would be a instantaneous, unequivocal YES! I would answer the question before they even finished asking it.
I wouldn’t just take a little bit of it either. I would take ALL of it. I would take the diaphragmatic hernia, the pulmonary hypertension, the breathing tubes, the IVs, the needles, the pain, the neonatal fear and all of her suffering. I would take all of it if they asked.
That question is never going to be asked though…
So what do I do now?
I fight to believe. (The key word here is fight). I fight to believe that Psalm 62:5-8 doesn’t just possess words from a famous history book. I fight to believe they possess the Words of Life.
For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him. He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be shaken. On God rest my salvation and my glory; my mighty rock, my refuge is God. Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us. – Psalms 62:5-8
In the midst of these hard days and trials God is my hope, my rock, my salvation, my fortress, my glory, and my refuge. When I cling to these truths, no matter how feeble my grip, I shall not be shaken.
- The New IV – Pray that the nurses and team at Dell would be able to put in the next IV and get it squared away in the first attempt.
- Pulmonary Hypertension – Pray that Davy would overcome the pulmonary hypertension in her body. You can learn more about what that is here.
- Ministry of Presence – We know that God has us in Dell Children’s for a reason. Pray that we would get to share the love of Christ with all we meet (doctors, nurses, and fellow NICU families).
I also wanted to include this amazing video that our talented and gracious friend, Kim Ellis, made for us. You can learn more about Kim and her pure awesomeness here. It’s 6 minutes long…I wept within 2 minutes…but is anyone really surprised by that at this point? So if you are a crier have some tissues and if you’re a robot you could potentially feel some emotion.