Today was a hard day.
You think hard days would get easier since we’ve experienced a handful of them at this point…but no. Davy was doing well for most of the day until a little after lunch. She had a few scary moments where she “seized up” and stopped breathing. She eventually stabilized and recovered, but those moments are heart ceasing for me. Then, at night, they had to replace one of her IVs and were unsuccessful three times. There is nothing like watching your little girl get stuck with a needle three times. One of our pastors articulated it well saying, “The pricks may be quick for her but they last longer for mom and dad”. To top it all off, they had to stick her more times to get a blood sample and by that time her sedation was wearing off so we could see her inaudibly crying and squirming. (Please don’t hear anything against our amazing team of nurses…this just comes with the territory).
Chelsea and I just took turns placing our hands on Davy and speaking truth over her in any attempt to calm her down. We spoke Scripture over her, read books to her, prayed for her, and sang alongside of her. Eventually, around 2 AM, due to the sedation and her little body just being exhausted, she gave way to sleep.
Today was a long, hard day.
However, the hardest part wasn’t seeing her go through it. The hardest part was the fact that I couldn’t take it away from her. Do you know how desperately I want to take ALL of this away from her? If given the option there would be no hesitation. There would be no “let me think about it”. There would be no “let me pray about it”. The answer would be a instantaneous, unequivocal YES! I would answer the question before they even finished asking it.
I wouldn’t just take a little bit of it either. I would take ALL of it. I would take the diaphragmatic hernia, the pulmonary hypertension, the breathing tubes, the IVs, the needles, the pain, the neonatal fear and all of her suffering. I would take all of it if they asked.
That question is never going to be asked though…
So what do I do now?
I fight to believe. (The key word here is fight). I fight to believe that Psalm 62:5-8 doesn’t just possess words from a famous history book. I fight to believe they possess the Words of Life.
For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him. He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be shaken. On God rest my salvation and my glory; my mighty rock, my refuge is God. Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us. – Psalms 62:5-8
In the midst of these hard days and trials God is my hope, my rock, my salvation, my fortress, my glory, and my refuge. When I cling to these truths, no matter how feeble my grip, I shall not be shaken.
- The New IV – Pray that the nurses and team at Dell would be able to put in the next IV and get it squared away in the first attempt.
- Pulmonary Hypertension – Pray that Davy would overcome the pulmonary hypertension in her body. You can learn more about what that is here.
- Ministry of Presence – We know that God has us in Dell Children’s for a reason. Pray that we would get to share the love of Christ with all we meet (doctors, nurses, and fellow NICU families).
I also wanted to include this amazing video that our talented and gracious friend, Kim Ellis, made for us. You can learn more about Kim and her pure awesomeness here. It’s 6 minutes long…I wept within 2 minutes…but is anyone really surprised by that at this point? So if you are a crier have some tissues and if you’re a robot you could potentially feel some emotion.
35 thoughts on “Hard Days and God as Refuge”
That video has this robot tearing up :). Love you and Chels, and praying like crazy for little Davy!
Haha. I think I used that language because you always use it! ha! Thanks for praying brother.
This video! Love & prayers from the Ingram’s.
Cried. So glad y’all have that precious video. Love you three!
Seriously. That video. Love you Bakers.
Love this video and praying for you guys today!
Thanks for the continued prayers Jamie.
The book you read to her is absolutely beautiful- what book is it? Prayers to little Davy!!!
Aubrey – I can’t remember off the top of my head. When I get to see my precious girl this evening I’ll let you know!
Aubrey, it’s called “The Awesome Book of Love” by Dallas Clayton
Prayer to your Family from Mine. I will pass this on to My Churches prayer list. <3 Love and Blessings Ayla, Jason & Tyler Andrews
Praying God’s sustaining love, peace and joy over you guys. I know it’s hard, but know that we are standing with you. Thanks for keeping us updated.
Thank you my brother.
Your Davy has been staying in my ONGOING prayers, including this one. Keep the faith!
. . .Our Father, it’s to your ALL-powerful hands that I lift up baby Davy! Please enable her respiratory/pulmonary systems to increasingly improve and the dependence on the vent to steadily decrease, and equip her to fully overcome the pulmonary hypertension. Please cause her PDA valve to close without intervention. Empower Davy’s body to successfully wean off the extra meds, and allow her next IV to work the first time. Please, Great Physician, keep pouring your wisdom into Davy’s medical team, and keep encouraging Chelsea and Scott while they wait as your faithful witnesses to everyone in their sphere. Thank you for your beautiful gift of DAVY, and for your promise to hold this precious baby girl gently in your lap through every single minute, so she’s never alone. It’s in Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.
– – – “I will never fail you. I will never abandon you” (Hebrews 13:5) — “The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms” (Deuteronomy 33:27)
Thanks for this prayer!
Praying for Y’all!!
trusting in JOB 42.2 today
praying for His hand of healing and grace!
love yall lots
ps- got iowa peeps praying too 🙂
Thanks Jamie! Love your Iowa praying peeps!
Scott and Chelsea, Since Ryan first told us about little Davy, your family has been at the beginning and the end of each prayer throughout my day…and I pray a lot during a day. Love you all so much, and God is in control of every minute in every day. Praying for peace that surpasses ALL understanding.
Love, Beth and Chris Saum
Thanks so much for your prayers Beth!
Thank you so much for sharing Davey and your journey and faith with us. The video is amazing! The Stephens continue to pray for you and chels and the medical team. We love you guys!
We love you Stephens family! So grateful for y’all and the influence you have had on our lives!
Not sure how I came across your blog or twitter feed but I’ve had you little girl on my prayer list these last few days. I pray God has his arms wrapped around you and your wife and that you feel it tangibly.
Thanks so much Melody!
This video is a treasure beyond words. What a wonderfully beautiful capture of the three of you sharing life together. Our prayers are with you and we know that the hallways of heaven must be filling up with the prayers of many for you guys and Darling Davy! Love and hugs from the Dominican! Thanks for offering your heart for others to be able to walk alongside you guys – if even from afar! Praying for The Peace of Christ to wrap you up like a comfy cocoon today.
Thanks for the “Dominican” love and encouragement Sawyers!
Praying for your sweet Davy. My daughter was a in the NICU for a while after her birth and I know that feeling of wanting to take their pain. Your girl is a fighter!
Prayers for your precious baby girl!
How previous! You are a beautiful family . Always praying , Pat and Charles Nehme
Thanks Nehme family! We love y’all!