My mom has died.
It’s surreal to write that statement.
It’s a statement I expected to write when I was older – maybe in my 50’s or 60’s with all of my adult children, her grandchildren, by my side to help reminisce about all the outlandish and ridiculous stories of “Hot TaMolly” or “Immy”.
However, here I am, 27 years old with a one year old baby girl and in 30 years all we’re going to have of my mom are faded memories and photographs.
I am sad. Terribly sad.
Like Christ at the graveside of Lazarus, I weep.
I keep waiting for a phone call that will never come. My ears are eagerly expecting my name in a subtle West Texas draw from a voice I won’t hear again until heaven. I deeply long for one last motherly embrace that will never be felt again on this earth. This breaks my heart.
I miss her so much already. I miss her smile, her joy and the way she gave me a hard time about everything, then quickly followed it up with, “sorry, I’m trying to work on my smart mouth” all the while wearing a mischievous smile.
In the midst of my grieving is muted rejoice. The tears of my grief are louder than the song of my rejoicing, but it exists nonetheless. My mom is cancer free, pain free and sin free (Rev. 21). She has entered into the joy of her Master where she has heard the beautiful words, “Well done good and faithful servant” (Matt. 25:23). THAT is worthy of celebration, even during a time of great sadness.
There are no words to finish an entry like this, so I will borrow and edit the words Sarah Edwards wrote to her daughter after the passing of her husband.
What shall I say? A holy and good God has covered us with a dark cloud.
The Lord has done it. He has made me adore his goodness, that we had her so long. But my God lives and He has my heart.
O what a legacy my mother, and your friend, has left us! We are all given to God; and there I am, and love to be.
10 thoughts on “My Mom Has Died”
I have a tender smile on my face after reading your words, with sweetness for your sweet mom…and remembering my own pain when my mother died, also of cancer. Anyone who has ever lost a parent can relate, no matter what age you are when their circle of life in the flesh is over, our pain is very heavy…they have been with us from the beginning of our lives and although we know that this life is temporary…it seems as though they will always be here. After months and months of crying at different times of the day, either when a song played on the radio or grocery shopping or where or whatever I was doing, I wondered if I would ever be able to smile when thinking of her, sometimes the sadness was so heavy…but then the day came and I found a letter she wrote me, she wrote awesome letters, she had beautiful handwriting and I remembered her hands, how beautiful they were…and I smiled.
I am so glad your mom and Davy got to meet each other and that there are photos…to last through out the generations…Davy’s children will know her “Immy” because you and Chelsea kept that memory alive. Molly left being at peace that Davy was going to be alright…answered prayers God’s gift. Prayers for comfort and strength.
Scott, I am so sorry for your loss. You went to school with my husband, Jesse, and he said your mom was an old teacher of his. He speaks very highly of both of you. I have read a couple of your blog entries and just wanted to say, I know your mom is proud of you. From what I read, you are steadfast in your faith, even through trials.
We are going through the same cancer trial. My dad has stage 4 metastatic colon cancer. He has stopped all treatments and while he still has good days, his quality of life has greatly declined. Your blog post is refreshing. I struggle much with my faith in these difficult times. It’s nice to see there is hope even in the darkest of times.
Blessings to your family!
Scott, you were the light of your mom’s eyes for 24 years, but clearly, Jesus was the light of her life these last three years. Oh, that we could learn from her example and make Him first. Your mom introduced herself to me when Kelsey was 6 months old. She was sure the two of you would be friends someday. I thank God for her friendship, her personality, her volleyball skills, her tenacity, but mostly, for her example. Praying for you all.
Your mom was cute and fun. Some grandmothers in the NICU can tend towards pushy, overbearing, and general nuisance behavior. Maybe it’s an attempt to “protect” their children and grandchildren. None of us knows how we will react to that situation until we are in it so I’m not finding fault, just commenting. Your mother was NEVER any of that. It was always a joy to see her scrubbing in, she always had a smile on her face and she was always respectful and in awe of her son and daughter in law. She never left w/out leaving me smiling. I’m smiling just thinking of her now. I know you will miss her
Scott and family.
I sit in thought of how Molly impacted so many lives in so many positive ways. She could get the love and respect from anyone at will! Her example to so many people in our community would be hard for anyone to match. I have read so many stories in the last few days from so many people. We all hear and see the obligatory ” sorry for your loss” comments in life. This is not the case in regards to your dear sweet mom. You will continue her legacy, that will be the responsibility left to you! She left that in good hands from the things you have written. My prayer is for you to be in the love, protection and guidance of God each day you live.
I am so sorry….
I am so sorry Scott. My mother has been battling bladder cancer for over a year & now they’ve detected cancer in her spine. I don’t know how to not have my mama…..
Reading your words made the tears flow but also brought some comfort.
I sat next to your sweet & lively mother at a wedding last summer. She was full of joy as she talked about you & her precious grand baby….. she was also at peace with what she was going through. I hope this brings some comfort to you. Sending you all the best wishes during this most unbearable time.
There are no words to describe what a wonderful impacted your mother left on everyone she met. It shows all over Facebook, town, and hearing people just talking about her. She will truly be missed. May God be with your, your beautiful wife and daughter, Randy, and all the rest of your beautiful family. Hugs to all of yall.
We have so many memories of your mom through the years and are so thankful for the friendship. We’re praying for you and your dad and the rest of your family.
Gary and Sheryl Vandyke