The Paradox

Davy is ok, yet I write today with heaviness in my eyes, exhaustion deep-set within my bones and weariness of soul.

The NICU is a paradox. It’s is a beacon of immense hope for some and simultaneously a memorial of unspeakable grief for others.

For Chelsea and I, the NICU is still a lighthouse in the midst of this tumultuous sea. Yet sadly, the family next door has lost the light and the baby didn’t make it through the day. I couldn’t confirm with the nurses (rightfully so for the privacy of the family), but it’s hard to hide the heavy sobs reverberating off the hospital walls.

I HATE this place but I LOVE this place.

I hate sickness but love the medicine that heals it. I hate that babies have to come here but I love that they have a chance at life. I hate that jobs like these are needed but love those that have chosen this profession. I hate that my daughter is strapped up to ventilators and IVs, but I love that they are sustaining her life. I hate that my daughter has to have surgery, but I love that we have the ability to operate. I hate that some families go to bed tonight with a broken heart but I love that others sleep with an expectant one.

I HATE this place but I LOVE this place.

This is life in the paradox.

Times like these remind me that this life is a vapor, a mist that is here today and gone tomorrow (James 4:14).

I will fight to cherish the moments God gives me with this precious girl for tomorrow is not promised. I will cherish the moments of daddy-daughter “eye time” that I look forward to, no matter how brief, everyday.  I will cherish this life because it is a gift.

photo

(A little “eye time” with my baby girl).

God willing I will get the chance to teach my little girl about paradox. I will teach her,as the Valley of Vision states, “that they way down is the way up, that to be low is to be high, that the broken heart is the healed heart, that the contrite spirit is the rejoicing spirit, that the repenting soul is the victorious soul, that to have nothing is to possess all, that to bear the cross is to wear the crown, that to give is to receive, that the valley is the place of vision”.

I pray I get the chance to teach her to hate the brokenness of this world, but to love the One who is coming to restore it to perfection (Rev. 21:5).

This is life in the paradox.

Prayer Requests

  • Comfort – Pray that God would comfort the family of the baby who passed away.
  • Decreased air in the stomach & oxygenation – Davy’s stomach has filled with air that doesn’t need to be there. Pray that the doctors and nurses have the ability to decrease it. Also, pray that her lungs would continue to develop and oxygenate her blood on her own.
  • Continued wisdom – Everyday we pray for the nurses and doctors who are taking care of Davy and all these little ones in the NICU. They are true heroes in my book and I will teach Davy to think so as well one day. Pray for their continued wisdom and insight.

32 thoughts on “The Paradox

  1. Scott and Chelsea, I do not know you but am praying for you and your sweet Davy daily. I am a family physician here in Austin and a patient shared your name with me this week…because she remembered that my son had a CDH when he was born 4 years ago. Michael had a severe right sided defect, that was considered lethal. In fact, ‘they’ recommended that we terminate the pregnancy because he had essentially no change of survival…

    I asked the doctors in a conference before he was born if they believe in miracles…well, we got a miracle. Michael turned 4 this summer. He had a really rough first two years, but if you met him today, you would never know anything had ever happened to him. He is awesome and his health is more than we could have ever hoped for.

    I tell you this because I want you to have hope. Short of our faith in God, nothing that we read on the internet or in medical papers gave us hope when we began this journey over 4 years ago.

    Just by reading your blog for a few short days, I see that you, too, have faith in a God that can do ALL things. I know that Davy is going to come through this like a champ…a fighter (be careful though, those fighters sure end up REALLY stubborn two year olds:-)

    Michael’s caring bridge site is http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/michaelnaglieriiv–if you want to read his story to help give you hope. ( He is Michael Naglieri IV)

    We would LOVE to bring y’all dinner or coffee or ANYTHING that you need. My cell is 512-431-8770 and my email is lorinaglieri@hotmail.com. Please contact me so we can do that for you both as I don’t know how to reach you otherwise other than just show up at the hospital…

    In Christ,
    Lori Naglieri

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  2. As a healthcare practitioner I do understand this paradox. Some days I love my job in the hospital and other days I head home to my healthy family with a super heavy heart…. I am too often reminded that our lives at but a vapor and the blessing is that I then I remember to not sweat the small stuff because love is all that matters. I go home as a better mommy and wife. I have more to give because I remember that the rest of the “stuff ” life brings isn’t worth worrying over.
    I am blessed in more than one way to work in this atmosphere I get to be a part of watching miracles unveil and I walk beside families encouraging them when they feel like there is no hope. And I see little ones leave their hospital bed giggling when they were once lifeless.
    Thank you for sharing your heart, struggle, victory and hope out loud.
    Don’t loose hope sweet Chelsea and Scott….He holds all things together and He is mighty to do far more than we could ever ask or think.

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  3. I love you brother and your family. Davy is beautiful! Praise God that Jesus is king, you serve a good one. I’m praying for you, Chelsea and, of course, your beautiful little girl.

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  4. I continue to pray for your precious Baby Davy , for her parents, and for the family. Our GOD is the great healer in all things. Keep looking up and calling on HIM for strength, comfort, rest, and peace. I’m Jen Sutton’s mom, she told me what you were facing the day Davy was born. I prayed for your family since then & will continue to lift you all up in prayer. HOPE can be the greatest healer of all, as long as there is hope you can get through each day. Sending hugs and love in CHRIST who strengthens us. Karen Savage

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  5. My Brother and Sister in Christ,

    You have our family’s prayers of support. God is God no matter where or who you are. I cried as I read this beautifully phrased piece on paradox. As a fellow parent, I can’t imagine either the grief or the Joy that surrounds such a place as the NICU, but I can fothom the love and fight that fills it. God is there with you guys. Thank you for being a beacon for His love even amidst such a time as this.
    -kalee

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  6. Beautiful words of truth. Praying for all your requests…and for you and Chelsea.
    René Holman…Chelsea’s junior high French teacher.

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  7. Your Davy is such a sweet, beautiful Child of God! A true Princess, since her Father is The King!
    I haven’t gotten to take care I her yet, but have helped out with linen changes and such when caring for sweet one next door. Your families love of God and faith make my heart happy … It’s something I LOVE to see in the NICU!
    GOD BLESS your precious one and yourselves!

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  8. Hi, Scott. 23 years ago, I gave birth to my son, Bryan, at 32 weeks. He was 3lbs, and 16″ long-could fit inside a shoe box. My husband and I were told all sorts of things that our son wouldn’t be able to do. Well, 23 years later, he’s a fine young man-gifted, talented and ‘normal’. Although he is a Dr. Who fan, so I guess he’s not all that ‘normal.’ 😀 Forgive me. I just wanted to give you and your wife encouragement. I know exactly what this feels like, and I am putting ALL your prayer requests on my prayer list.
    Your Sister-in-Christ,
    Dulcinea

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